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Post by ryukatana on Feb 26, 2009 23:19:29 GMT
"I think that Endurance line breaks immersion a little, especially if you're going to use the second-person ('YOU have died') as opposed to third-person ('Lone Wolf has died')... 'You have died!' Also seems inelegant and jarring... Let me see:"
Lone Wolf, you have fallen... <title> You will draw neither breath nor blood any longer, And the Kai shall be unavenged, Your efforts will be remembered...
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Post by Dave on Feb 27, 2009 3:25:35 GMT
I like the poetic/heroic angle there... Is LW really trying to avenge the Kai in all the books, though? Mostly, he's running errands for the King in books 3, 4 and 5... and then he's rebuilt the monastery in the Magnakai series... Actually, it would be quite easy to incorporate a different "death message" for each book. That could be pretty fun. Book 1 - The Kai shall be unavenged... Book 2 - Holmgard shall fall before the Darklords... Book 3 - Vonotar shall escape the hand of justice... that sort of thing. Edit: improvement? Book 1- The blood of your fallen Kai brethren shall go unavenged... Book 2 - Holmgard shall fall before the legions of the Darklords... Book 3 - The vile traitor Vonotar shall escape the hand of justice... So, ummm, who wants to come up with the rest?
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Post by commentator on Feb 27, 2009 10:14:06 GMT
Hey,
Are these okay?
Lone Wolf, you have fallen... Book 4 – Maledon’s blood shall be spilt and Sommerlund will be ground to dust beneath Vashna’s heel... Book 5 – Haakon shall destroy the Book of the Magnakai and, with it, Summerlund’s last hope... Book 6 – Varetta’s lorestone shall remain in the silent darkness, awaiting the arrival of a true champion... Book 7 – The Elder Magi shall one day fall before Zahda’s foul sorceries... Book 8 – The lost knowledge of that Kai shall remain just that...
Book 9 – Gnaag shall spill the blood of countless innocents for the amusement of his dark master... Book 10 – Torgar’s slaves’ screams shall echo through heaven and earth and bring Ishar herself to the brink of tears... Book 11 – The struggle between chaos and order shall rage on without end until every inch of the plane is soaked in blood... Book 12 – The blockade shall starve Summerlund of food even as the approaching armies shall drain her of blood...
Book 13 – The stinking sea of corpses and the Cener Druids’ haunting laughter shall be all that remains of the once proud nation of Summerlund... Book 14 – But fear not, soon Banedon’s tortured spirit shall make the icy loneliness of death somewhat more bearable... Book 15 (The Darke Crusade)– The Warlord Magnaarn shall take great pleasure in committing the Kai monastery, and all who there reside, to the flame... Book 16 – The armies of Vashna shall be as a flood across the lands and all who stand against them shall be washed away... Book 17 – The Deathlord shall wage war against the living, a war he is now sure to win... Book 18 – The New Order shall prove a tasty, albeit sinewy, snack for the marauding dragons... Book 19 – The name of the Kai shall be forever tainted by the apparent crimes of its once exalted leader...
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Post by eastpaw on Feb 27, 2009 10:58:19 GMT
<QR>
Looks great to me!
Typo (extra "a") for Book 18
Book 18 – The New Order shall prove a tasty, albeit a sinewy, snack for the marauding dragons... should read: Book 18 – The New Order shall prove a tasty, albeit sinewy, snack for the marauding dragons...
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Post by commentator on Feb 27, 2009 11:10:03 GMT
Whoah...you must have spotted that at exactly the time I was changing it. Great eyes there...they see into the past! Stupid "a" always ruins everything.
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Post by Honza on Feb 27, 2009 11:16:39 GMT
Book 20 – the fabled Moonstone remains in the clutches of Naar, his loathsome champions will spread death and decay upon Magnamund, acquiring it finally in the midst of his domains upon the Plane of Darkness...
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Post by Taryn on Feb 27, 2009 13:49:51 GMT
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Post by commentator on Feb 27, 2009 15:53:53 GMT
I was wondering the same thing so I did a little Google searching and came up with the following: acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/QR . From that I'd guess "quick response" or, more cryptically, "queen's rook."
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Post by eastpaw on Feb 27, 2009 16:34:33 GMT
Stupid "a" always ruins everything. Yeah, which is probably why they say, "F***ing A!" Ahem. Oh, yes. "QR" in this case would be "quick response". Or, more honestly, "I didn't read through the whole thing but want to make a probably dumb comment anyway."
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Post by commentator on Feb 27, 2009 20:35:10 GMT
Baah, if we all waited to read through things before we spoke the world would be a whole lot slower. Probably for the better...but oh so slow.
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Post by Dave on Feb 27, 2009 20:47:34 GMT
<QC> (That's a quick correction...)
Madelon Sommerlund
I really dig 'em. When I get a little time tonight, I'll slip them into the code and that'll add a whole new dimension to dying in the books. I'll die on purpose just to read them!
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Post by commentator on Feb 27, 2009 20:59:24 GMT
Lone Wolf, you have fallen...
Book 4 – Madelon’s blood shall be spilt and Sommerlund ground to dust beneath Vashna’s heel... Book 5 – Haakon shall destroy the Book of the Magnakai and, with it, Sommerlund’s last hope... Book 6 – Varetta’s lorestone shall remain in the silent darkness, awaiting the arrival of a true champion... Book 7 – The Elder Magi shall one day fall before Zahda’s foul sorceries... Book 8 – The lost knowledge of the Kai shall remain just that...
Book 9 – Gnaag shall spill the blood of countless innocents for the amusement of his dark master... Book 10 – Torgar’s slaves’ screams shall echo through heaven and earth and bring Ishar herself to the brink of tears... Book 11 – The struggle between chaos and order shall rage on without end, until every inch of the plane is soaked in blood... Book 12 – The blockade shall starve Sommerlund of food even as the approaching armies shall drain her of blood...
Book 13 – The stinking sea of corpses and the Cener Druids’ haunting laughter shall be all that remains of the once proud nation of Sommerlund... Book 14 – But fear not, soon Banedon’s tortured spirit shall make the icy loneliness of death somewhat more bearable... Book 15 – The Warlord Magnaarn shall take great pleasure in committing the Kai monastery, and all who there reside, to the flame... Book 16 – The armies of Vashna shall be as a flood across the lands and all who stand against them shall be washed away... Book 17 – The Deathlord shall wage war against the living, a war he is now sure to win... Book 18 – The New Order shall prove a tasty, albeit sinewy, snack for the marauding dragons... Book 19 – The name of the Kai shall be forever tainted by the apparent crimes of its once exalted leader...
Righto, corrected for stupidity. And just to be in the swing of things...<QC>.
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Post by mckinstry on Feb 27, 2009 23:09:58 GMT
Hey, love the specific "death" quotes, quite poetic and tragic
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Post by Dave on Feb 28, 2009 0:02:20 GMT
Thanks, commentator - these are perfect! I fleshed my original 3 out slightly to match the more verbose and descriptive style of these entries. I'll quote them here - As always, I'm open to suggestions for improvement, so feel free to... well, improve them.
Book 1- The blood of your fallen Kai brethren shall go unavenged... (Is this sexist? is "comrades" any better?) Book 2 - Holmgard shall fall before the legions of the Darklords... Book 3 - The vile traitor Vonotar shall escape the hand of justice...
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Post by Dave on Feb 28, 2009 0:05:58 GMT
How about "The blood of your fallen Kai comrades shall go unavenged, and the King shall remain unaware of the approaching destruction..."
Okay, that doesn't quite do it for me... commentator, Help!
ps. 10% done with book 4. I know it's not a lot, but its progress!
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