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Post by davan on Jun 18, 2017 3:16:35 GMT
Hello All, Been a long time fan of the LW series. So I've been working on a LW fan fiction book series for some time now and just finished the first installment. I was hoping to get some feedback from my fellow Magnamundians. It would be great if I could get some help with playtesting - specifically with regards to whether the protagonist can survive to the end – its very combat heavy and I may have made it a little too hard. In addition, if you could critique game mechanics, game balance, flow, potential errata, etc. Lastly, if there are any visual creative types out there who would be interested in designing the traditional LW 20 plate illustrations for the book - let me know – I would be greatly appreciative. Otherwise, I hope you have as much fun playing this book as I had writing it. More to come. Enjoy! princedavan.blogspot.com/ |
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Post by marksmith on Jun 19, 2017 11:28:29 GMT
Downloaded it and have read the intro, getting a very good impression so far, it seems exceptionally well-researched with attention to detail to link it to official lore as closely as possible.
Thanks for writing this, I look forward to reading it (Will most likely print and bind before reading, I always prefer to read print with gamebooks), will let you know what I think afterwards!
I'd recommend posting it on the lone wolf gamebooks facebook group as well.
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Post by John Bryntze on Jun 20, 2017 16:55:12 GMT
WTF!!!! why hasn't this got more noise? just quickly look through it (downloaded the PDF) but it looks like a treasure! thanks for writing this.
Will read it more later, hopefully this weekend or during vacation and giv emore detailed feedback, but first look... impressed!
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Post by maanto on Nov 18, 2017 22:15:40 GMT
Playtesting- there's a typo on page 11, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence, Ranger's should be changed to Rangers.
Also, good stuff. Thanks for the gamebook!
There's a problem with page 13- game rules. When determining Endurance, it asks you to add 25 to your score, but the example is 6 on the random number chart plus 20 = 26.
Do you add 25 or 20?
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Post by moonblade on Sept 4, 2018 5:36:09 GMT
Okay, seriously, wow. This was amazing--I loved the level of detail, backstory, and heart brought to this story. It definitely felt as though you were playing as a fairly normal young man with some military training as opposed to a Kai monk who handles the inconceivable with supernatural grace. I loved it, and it's definitely a crime that it isn't getting more attention! I intend to play through again as soon as I have the time. Did you actually finish writing Davan the Wanderer?
Regarding errata, I found a few grammatical errors as noted below. These are the ones I found during my playthrough, but I would be glad to make a more labor-intensive list in future if it helps you at all.
Page 40, section 21:
... strange words under his breath. When the he stops, there is a long pause ...
Page 161, section 300:
... the remaining Krann riders fight on ...
Page 77, section 101:
You can’t believe you luck.
Page 166, section 311:
... and Krann patrols ...
Page 38, section 51:
... If you defeat you enemy ...
Page 122, section 204:
... It is your time shine.
Page 59, section 56:
... into a tight-nit shield wall ...
Page 178, section 337:
... cut them down in one fells swoop ...
Page 173, section 325:
... coming to Banedon’s aid, get’s thumped ...
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phuc
Kai Lord
Posts: 14
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Post by phuc on Oct 14, 2018 21:25:20 GMT
Section 24 takes you to 164 - a previous section
While searching for the correct section to go to I discovered that sections 25, 31, 96, and 197 are not referenced by any other section
Sadly my mission and life end here since I can't figure out where to go next from 24. I always thought that it would be 5 that would be my downfall but now that I've met the deviously sinister 24 I know better
Truly I Loved it. I'd be very happy to help resolve the infinite loop issue if possible.
Amazing job thanks for sharing this!
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Post by milleniumbaby on Oct 19, 2018 10:28:16 GMT
I really liked how autumn snow handles healing, clearly marking the section that allow healing with a different section number color. That clears any ambiquity and allows to reign in the over powerful healing ability. Maybe you could print your book with the same publisher - I like HC versions for playing (my only beef with the German Lone Wolf reprint is that it is soft cover .
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Post by milleniumbaby on Oct 19, 2018 12:55:15 GMT
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Post by davan on Dec 29, 2018 21:39:15 GMT
Hi There!
Thanks for all of your feedback. This has been so helpful and I'm incorporating all of this into version 2. I think then I'll send it to be published. I haven't started writing Book 2 yet, I've just been too busy. I do have a general story arc developed for the book series and for the second book. However, I've had some time free up to start on a Book 2. Book 1 took quite a few years to write (only over summers when I wasn't in school) but now I've got the experience and I'm no longer in grad school, it should go faster this time.
Thanks again.
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one
Kai Lord
Posts: 4
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Post by one on Jan 25, 2019 3:37:10 GMT
More Prince Davan please!
This definitely needs to become official LW canon.
Getting it endorsed and published by Joe Dever’s estate (magnanund.com) would be great!
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Post by milleniumbaby on Jan 29, 2019 17:47:44 GMT
Megara is probably not an option anymore, but really get this in shape for official publishing - and I buy a copy
You might take a leave out of AS as well with regard to
1) The new and improved way of slowly gaining CS/EP is brilliant.
2) Regularly being able to find weapons that are better quality or more poorly made, so that they have genuine effect on your battles? Yes please, more of that. Great addition.
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Post by milleniumbaby on Jan 31, 2019 16:40:45 GMT
Already wrote this in the AS threat: I am just having fun with the way of the quail. I do like this book handles bow and other projectile weapons. Essentially one can shoot a number of projectiles before any battle. Each projectile has a specific damage, and a chance to hit based on the weapon. As example, to hit with a spear you need to roll less than 4 (W6) for 2 damage points. The number of projectiles before each battle ranges from 0 to 4 ( I think) and depends on the situation (0 if your enemy surprises you). One skill - stealth - allows you for additional attempts.
You could translate this system to PW to give the bow a more natural use then the scripted way LW handles shooting.
Way of the quail can be found and downloaded here : derwegderwachtel.jimdo.com/ - German only, but worth it, great romp.
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cv
Kai Lord
Posts: 10
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Post by cv on Mar 14, 2019 23:59:41 GMT
Some comments:
- Section 185 leads to 224, which is wrong
- 24 leads to 164, also wrong (noted in a previous comment)
- copyeditng needed; for example, you often write ‘loose’ when you should use ‘lose’
But most importantly, this is a magnificent gamebook. You nailed the feel of the Lone Wolf universe. It deserves wider knowledge in the fan community. It’s also really long (a good thing!), I’m not entirely sure how you managed it — the only thing I noticed is a low number of opportunities to evade combat (which reduces filler section count). This, plus the months of time it covers, makes it the most epic LW gamebook I remember, more so even than Shadow on the Sand.
Great work!
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