Corrections for book 6

[owlfeather]

I was going to post this in the Help Wanted folder, but it seems to be locked. If you'd like me to post elsewhere, or use another means of reporting errors, don't hesitate to say.

I found few errors in book 6, mostly quibbles over phrasing.

---------------------------------------------------

19 -> 2 footnote 1 Remember that you are looking at individual jars and may therefore purchase only one of each potion, should you decide to do so.

I disagree with the number of pots you can buy. The description at 19 says the apothecary is "vast" and a "famed establishment", not to mention serving a constantly war-torn region. The captain with you is buying a huge amount of pots for his men. Even though the tense at 2 for the pots is singular, I assume you can buy as many pots as you want, provided you have the coin and backpack space for them. "Hi, welcome to McDonald's! Sorry, we only have one cheeseburger for sale."



25 -> 165 (Kloon offers map for sale.)
25 -> 262 -> 116 -> 193 After wiping the blood from your hands, you pick up the Map of Varetta and hurry out of the room.

The mention of the map at 193 is confusing, since it isn't mentioned at all on the second path. Maybe a footnote saying you quickly search the room and find a map? Maybe changing THE map to A map would minimize confusion?



77 illustration 6 You rush to protect the captain from the snarling pirate >berserkers.

remove >



219 Suddenly, there is a mighty crash as the hall door is slammed shut. Into the tavern strides a black-browed young lordling, wearing a flamboyant costume of ebony and gold.

The description at 332 calls this a tavern hall. Perhaps this is common in Europe, but "hall door" makes me think of a hallway door, not the entrance to a tavern. It also seems the door would slam open, not shut, since Roark is striding into the tavern. In any case, these are minor points.



239 You are about to decline when says something that convinces you to share the journey.

...when HE says...



294 After the defeat of Barraka, they fled south to escape the Sommlending army. It was a common belief in the Lastlands that the brotherhood had been destroyed and their power extinguished forever, but this encounter proves otherwise.

Shouldn't the tense here be is, not was?



301 Your Arrow pierces the lordling's forearm as his sword descends, causing the blow to splinter stone, not skull. (...) Trembling with pain and fury, he staggers to his feet and demands his sword and cloak from the innkeeper before stumbling into the night with a welter of threats and curses.

Why demand his sword when he already has it? Maybe he demands his horse and cloak? Maybe just his cloak? In 78 -> 180 he demands neither and just staggers out. I had to assume he survived even though I got an auto-kill in 78.

[Thomas Wolmer]

I have moved this to Help Wanted, but you are supposed to use the Error Reports Thread.

[outspaced]

2 [footnote 1]: "Remember that you are looking at individual jars and may therefore purchase only one of each potion, should you decide to do so."

I disagree with the number of pots you can buy. The description at 19 says the apothecary is "vast" and a "famed establishment", not to mention serving a constantly war-torn region. The captain with you is buying a huge amount of pots for his men. Even though the tense at 2 for the pots is singular, I assume you can buy as many pots as you want, provided you have the coin and backpack space for them. "Hi, welcome to McDonald's! Sorry, we only have one cheeseburger for sale."

No, look at the first sentence of Section 2: "Several of the smaller stoppered glass jars contain potions that could be of use to you on your quest."

If only several of the jars contain relevant potions, and there are 5 potions detailed below, it is very clear that only one of each potion is available for purchase.

25 -> 165 (Kloon offers map for sale.)
25 -> 262 -> 116 -> 193 After wiping the blood from your hands, you pick up the Map of Varetta and hurry out of the room.

The mention of the map at 193 is confusing, since it isn't mentioned at all on the second path. Maybe a footnote saying you quickly search the room and find a map? Maybe changing THE map to A map would minimize confusion?

Good call. In the source file I've changed "the Map" to "a Map".

77 illustration 6 You rush to protect the captain from the snarling pirate >berserkers.

remove >

This has been fixed in the source material.

219 Suddenly, there is a mighty crash as the hall door is slammed shut. Into the tavern strides a black-browed young lordling, wearing a flamboyant costume of ebony and gold.

The description at 332 calls this a tavern hall. Perhaps this is common in Europe, but "hall door" makes me think of a hallway door, not the entrance to a tavern. It also seems the door would slam open, not shut, since Roark is striding into the tavern. In any case, these are minor points.

Not necessarily. It could be that Roark enters the tavern quietly to see who is there, and only then draws attention to himself by slamming the door shut. "Hall door" being "the door to the hall" makes sense to me as a UK-native.

239 You are about to decline when says something that convinces you to share the journey.

...when HE says...

Gah! You'd think we'd have picked up all the OCR errors by now!

294 After the defeat of Barraka, they fled south to escape the Sommlending army. It was a common belief in the Lastlands that the brotherhood had been destroyed and their power extinguished forever, but this encounter proves otherwise.

Shouldn't the tense here be is, not was?

Hmm. Yes, I see what you mean. However, what is being said is being said from Lone Wolf's [i.e. "your"] viewpoint. So while it was [formerly, past tense] the belief for Lastlanders [including yourself] that the brotherhood had been destroyed, this encounter [in the present tense] proves otherwise. I think replacing "was" with "is" would be worse than the current sentence. But I do have some sympathy with this proposal. The only way to fix it properly would be to rewrite the sentence, which is something we tend to avoid doing.

301 Your Arrow pierces the lordling's forearm as his sword descends, causing the blow to splinter stone, not skull. (...) Trembling with pain and fury, he staggers to his feet and demands his sword and cloak from the innkeeper before stumbling into the night with a welter of threats and curses.

Why demand his sword when he already has it? Maybe he demands his horse and cloak? Maybe just his cloak? In 78 -> 180 he demands neither and just staggers out. I had to assume he survived even though I got an auto-kill in 78.

Good question! I'll remove "sword and" from the sentence.

If you want to send me your full name, I can add you to the credits for Book 6. If you spot any further issues, please post them and I'll try to find time to go through them. Thanks.

[owlfeather]

Apologies for the incorrect placement of my points. I'll put them in the appropriate thread henceforth.

Aug 25, 2009 8:55:09 GMT outspaced said:

No, look at the first sentence of Section 2: "Several of the smaller stoppered glass jars contain potions that could be of use to you on your quest."

If only several of the jars contain relevant potions, and there are 5 potions detailed below, it is very clear that only one of each potion is available for purchase.

Meh, I'll respectfully disagree with you and houserule it. While I agree with your points on the singular phrasing used, I just can't see how possibly the largest apothecary you'll ever enter, a veritable warehouse, has only a limited amount of pots to buy. Also, Dever never seems to offer a lot of ways to spend our gold, and this seems like a nice place to do it. On top of that, any pots bought and not stored at home will be lost in the next book anyway.

Perhaps I spend more time thinking as a DM and less as an editor.

Hmm. Yes, I see what you mean. However, what is being said is being said from Lone Wolf's [i.e. "your"] viewpoint. So while it was [formerly, past tense] the belief for Lastlanders [including yourself] that the brotherhood had been destroyed, this encounter [in the present tense] proves otherwise. I think replacing "was" with "is" would be worse than the current sentence. But I do have some sympathy with this proposal. The only way to fix it properly would be to rewrite the sentence, which is something we tend to avoid doing.

I agree that the sentence is awkward, which is why I mentioned it. I wasn't aware that Sommerlund is part of the Lastlands, which is why I didn't include Wolf when thinking of the phrasing. I saw it as them thinking this in the past, but still thinking it in the present, since they don't know of this recent event.